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Sunday, January 25, 2009

You say: I can't go on!

You are at a point, where you feel so drained and tired and frustrated and helpless, you don't know how to continue. Oh what a terrible situation to be in!
I've been there, too. And I know, when you are in that situation, it is difficult to find hope. However, if you can, please believe me, life can turn around again, and you can be happy again!
Not always, but sometimes, our decisions are the reasons for the circumstances we find ourselves in. If this is the case, the only way we can ever get out of our misery, is to start changing what we are doing and believing. Once we change our approach, our priorities, things have to change.
All too often, we think what we are doing is the “right thing”. That we have “no choice”. If this is what you are thinking, it is an indication that you are not open minded! There is always a choice! There is no such thing as “the right thing” or “the wrong thing”. Every decision we make has consequences. Every option causes different outcomes. If you don't like where you are right now, the first step I would recommend is to identify the options that are available to you.
You could apply the principle of brainstorming: just throw up anything that comes to mind – even if it is totally unrealistic, or far-fetched. We often do not allow ourselves to look at other options, because we discard them before really thinking about them. Our priorities, our wants, our belief-system causes us to discard valid options, without really looking at them.
For example: if you live in the US and you are not locked up and able to walk, there is always an option to just get up, leave the house, get on a plain, or a freight train, and go somewhere else. You may not allow yourself to see this as a valid option, but it is.
Another example: you can always quit your job. Maybe it is difficult to get a new one, maybe you'd have to move, maybe you couldn't pay your mortgage. But you can quit your job!
Naturally, some of the options would require us to think about other areas in our life: if I am suffering in my job, and I feel I can't quit, it is not that I am disallowed to quit the job; it is, that I don't want to change certain other things in my life, where the status quo requires me to stay in my job. Once I see quitting my job as a valid option, I can make the next step, and examine what changes I would have to make in other aspect of my life. Now I am a step further. Can choose to sell my big house and get a less expensive home. I can switch my car to a scooter and reduce my transportation costs dramatically. I can move to a less expensive area. Suddenly I see many options!
So, when you say, you can't go on, I can only recommend to look at all the options you have – and there are many. Maybe, you are focusing on the wrong things, and the Universe is trying to block the path you're trying to walk, so you look around and walk a path that will lead you to happiness and fulfillment.

The Universe needs you to help improve the situations in this world. You have a mission, and the Universe supports you in this mission. If you can find your mission, and align yourself with it, every cross gets easier to carry, every situation gets easier to bare.

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You say: Nobody loves me! I'm all alone!

There are dozens of online dating sites, each with millions of profiles – each profile of a person who is looking for someone who'd love them; most of them feeling unloved and alone. Wherever I go, I meet people who are lonely, and trying to make a connection.
Often, when somebody asks me for help with making sense of what is going on in their life, this topic comes up, and that view-point is expressed: “nobody loves me! I am all alone in this world!”

I suggest to look at the situation a little closer, and with an open mind. I have never met anybody in my whole life, who did not have anybody in their life who would love them. Also, it is virtually impossible for anybody to say nobody loves them, because I know I love them – even though I do not know them. And I know there are many more people in this world who love this creation and everything in it.
So it is not that “nobody loves you”. We need to define that better.

I find, what people really mean, when they claim nobody loves them, is that they are not in a loving, romantic relationship. Sometimes, in severe cases, a person may be at war with everybody in their live – but most of the time the person is loved by many people. Our problem is, that we do not allow ourselves to see this love. We often take things for granted. When have you last watched a sunset? You see? A sunset is one of the most beautiful things in the world. However, every day there is a sunset, and we don't notice them anymore. We are so used to them, we don't derive any happiness or joy from it.
Often, we treat the love of the people in our lives the same way! We are used to them, so we don't value their love anymore.
Sometimes, we are so focused on our own point of view, on our own benefit and gain. We make the lives of the people in our lives miserable and difficult. And then we wonder why we don't feel the love.
Somebody once told me: do you prefer to be happy or to be right? I ask you: do you prefer to be loved or to be right?
Yes, I know, we do have people who love us. But, as long as I am not in a loving, romantic relationship, there is something missing in my life. And the longer it is missing, the stronger that feeling of need gets.
My experience is, that every need is taken care of. Really! Every need. If there is something that I need, and I don't have it, it is usually because I am not allowing myself to have this need fulfilled for me.
In terms of relationship, intimacy, and companionship I find, that the Universe is sending people into my life constantly, who are eager to fulfill this need for me. And I would be very much able to fulfill some need of theirs. However, often, that person is not exactly what I want. And then I deny shut them out, push them away. You notice the differentiation between “I need” and “I want”? I need to have somebody in my life who is helping me make the next step. I want somebody that meets my criteria. Typical such criteria are: age, gender, physical appearance, my or their marital status, income, eduction, class, status, religious belief or affiliation, willingness to marry or to make kids, and much more.
I want Sleeping Beauty to marry me and live happily ever after with me. Well, that doesn't work. It never works that way!
Several years ago, I used to examine every woman that came into my life in terms of whether I would be happy to be with her for the rest of my life. This approach caused me to try to identify all her faults. Of course, I never found anybody that passed my inspection! Oh, nobody loved me! I was all alone in this world!
One day it dawned on me, that my approach is not effective. Pretty much at the same time I came to belief that the Universe sends people into my life to help me along, and that at the same time I am in theirs to help them. With that insight, I turned around my approach: Instead of asking whether this person can be what I want, I started to ask why this person came into my life.
Suddenly, I didn't look for their faults anymore, but for their strengths, for the beauty in them. I scrapped the idea of having to find somebody to live with happily ever after. I admitted to myself, that this not going to happen. So my choice now was to stay alone for the rest of my life, or to allow myself to connect with the people that happen to show up.
This idea, together with my new approach of rather looking for what I can contribute, than what I can get out of it, I suddenly experienced a lot of love in my life!
I no longer feel that nobody loves me. I am being told often and by many persons that I am loved, that he or she is happy to have me in their life.

So, when you say you feel that nobody loves you, I can only recommend to you to enjoy all the sunsets and all the persons the Universe provides for you, and to focus on how you can contribute to the Universe and people in your life. I am sure, soon you'll feel the love all around you! And when you are ready, your life-partner will show up on your doorstep – with ready I mean, that you are able to recognize that person's potential to fill that role, and that you yourself are able to be the supportive and loving life partner for that person.

The Universe sends people into your life to fulfill your needs and to help you get ahead in your life. No matter what you do, there is always help around you to learn the lessons you need to learn, to become aware of the questions that will help you realize insights, and to provide the love and support you need! The Universe loves you – you are part of it!

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You say: I can't do it!

We all have a soul, who is our connection to the source of love, wisdom and knowledge. We know the answers to our questions. Our soul tells us. Sometimes we just don't want to hear it. It doesn't tell us what we want, so we don't ant to hear it. But, whether we hear it or not, the situation stays the same. When it rains, no matter how much you do not want it to be, it rains. Whatever my soul tells me, that's what would be the best for me to do.
And, whatever the soul tells me to do, I am able to do. It may not be easy. It may be different from what I usually would do, from what I used to think was the right thing to do. I may need to stretch, to learn a new skill, increase my knowledge, and spend lots of time and effort on it – but I am able to do it.
Just to mention it – it doesn't matter what anybody tells you, you ought to do. They do not know. They can not hear your soul. They d not know all the details. They do not have your experience, your knowledge, your understanding. It doesn't matter what anybody tells you to do. You know what you need to do. Your soul is telling you. And you can do it. The Universe depends on you to do it. That's why your soul came to this world. That's why it chose your body. So that this can be done. The universe gave you the talents you need, exposed you to the knowledge you need, taught you through life's experiences what you need. You can do it! Once you decide to work towards it, you'll see how the Universe is supporting you, and slowly you'll see that you are able to do it – no matter how difficult it looked at first.
And once you have done it, you'll feel so excited, and fulfilled, and strong, and powerful, and happy – a happiness that comes from deep within you. A happiness that can not be bought, or given by another person. A happiness that we all can experience, when we listen to our soul, and follow it's advice.
You can do it! Just do it!

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You say: I can't figure things out!

Among the many people that have come to me to help them make sense of their life, or their relationship, many felt they just can't figure things out.
Most of them where stuck, not because they lacked the intellectual capacity, or the necessary information. No, most of the time it was something totally different.
500 hundred years ago, people in Europe believed the earth is flat. Some of the educated people, however, started to observe things that just didn't make sense. They just couldn't figure it out. And then, one day, it became clear: The earth is not flat! It has to be round!
Most of the people, who come to me, and feel they just can't figure things out, are in the same position. They are following an outdated, inaccurate belief-system. And what they observe in their life, just doesn't mesh with what they belief should be.
Once that person allows herself to let go of certain ideas, and starts looking at her life and the world around it with an open mind,suddenly the answers come very quickly. It all starts to fall in place, and make sense.
If you are in the position, that things just don't make sense anymore, that you just can figure things out, I have good news for you: You are close to figuring them out!
Why? Because you are on this site. You are reading this article. It shows, that you are searching, that you are opening your mind to other possibilities, to new ideas. And once you do that, once you ask a question without predefining the answer, but allowing yourself to hear whatever your soul tells you, at that time you'll start understanding.
I hope that the information on this site is helpful for you to start figuring things out. Please drop me a line, and help me understand with what you are struggling – I am happy to try to provide more ideas and thoughts to help you. Bet even if you can't find your answers here, as long as you keep looking for them with an open mind, you will find them!
You can figure things out! Allow yourself the freedom to see what is, to conclude what it points towards, and to accept what you find...

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You say: I'm not smart enough!

I noticed that anytime I ask a young child if it is smart, it says yes, smiles all over the face, and proceeds to tell me all the things it already knows how to do.
Then we send it to school.
And after a short time, it comes back home and says with a sad voice: 'I am not smart enough!'
I think we are all not just smart enough, but we all have our talents, our strengths and we collect life's experiences as we go along. You are definitely smart enough. You may not have the talents to become a rocket engineer, or a lawyer, a nurse, or a mason. But you are more than smart enough to fulfill your mission here in this world!
If you've poked around this site a little, you'll find a lot of ideas and seeds for thought about what life is all about, why we are the way we are, and what our mission is here in this world.
Since I understand, that we all come here on a mission, and that the Universe provides us with exactly the talents that we need to fulfill this mission, I can see it in every person.
Unfortunately, in school, by our friends or siblings, maybe even by our parents, we have been told we are not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not tall enough or whatever. The reality is, however, no matter how we are, we are capable of so much greatness, of making so much of a difference. Rosa Parks was not a rocket science, however, she started what has led to the US realizing the stupidity of color segregation.
I think what is much more important for us to fulfill our task here is to realize that we have a mission, to search for what this mission is, and to arrange our priorities accordingly to not spend our time on preoccupations and distractions.
Please, if you can, rent the movie Robots. Yes, the animated children's movie Robots. Watch it and listen carefully! It's message is clear and simple: Find a need and fill it! If you are not talented in any particular subject, maybe you are not supposed to be an expert in that. I think, if you try to find out what your talents are, and try to make use of it to help the Universe make this world a better place, you'll soon see how smart, powerful, and capable you are!
Find a need and fill it! Don't know where to start? Look around you. What is not good in the world around you? You can't change the government – but you can be careful who you vote for. You can't fix the situation in Ghaza – but you can impact the situation in your family, at your job.
If you see something that is in need of improvement in this world, you can think about what you could contribute to make it better. The closer it is to your own self, the bigger the impact you can have. You can't change a rebel soldier in Sudan, if you are living in South Carolina. You can't improve race-relations in the US if you are living in Germany. You may not even be able to get rid of corruption in your town's government. But you can definitely change yourself. And you are smart enough to do it, too. All that is needed is to look at what impact you have on other people. Do they enjoy being in your presence or not. What is making your company more of a pleasure to the people around you? This is something that you can try to do more of. What about you tends to make people want to avoid you? You can try to improve on that.
The more people like to have you around, the more of an influence you can be on them. Not by judging them, and telling them what to do, but by being an example, by being helpful, loving, supportive, understanding, and non-judgmental!
You are smart enough to be a great tool for the Universe, to accomplish the changes that are needed, and support the positive work the Universe is trying to affect through you.

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You Say: I can't go on

Imagine you're trying to visit a friend, who lives in another city. You're driving around the city trying to find the place where he lives. And after a while of driving, you end up in a dead-end street. You can't go on anymore. Obviously, sitting in the car, and revving the engine would turn the dead-end street into a through street. All that would do is burn fuel for nothing, and after a while your tank would be empty. You would have no more energy to drive anywhere.
What would you do in that situation. Well, of course, you would just turn around, and try a different street.
In life it is often similar. We reach a point where we feel we can't go on anymore. However, what we mean is not that! What we really mean is, we can't go on like this. If I say I can't go on, it leaves me with no alternative. If I say, I can't go on like this, the way out is obvious: don't continue “like this” but do something different, change something.
In our analogy, if you're out of gas from driving around so much. What would you do? I would park the car, walk to the next gas-station and buy myself some gas. I would also buy a map. I'd try to find out where I am, and where I have to go on the map. I might even ask the gas-station attendant for help.
The gas-station attendant would not drive you where you need to go – it is her/his task to attend the gas-station so people can fill up on energy. You would have to drive yourself, of course.
In life it is similar. And I think you are doing just that right now: you came to this site to find energy to continue on, and to find a map that would help you find out where you are and where you want to go. I am your gas-station attendant, and I am happy to help you by providing information. You can ask questions, I'll explain what I know about this city. I can help you identify where you are, and how you can get to where you want to go. But you have to do it yourself. You have to go back to your car, turn it around, and start driving in another direction. You can decide yourself if you want to follow the advice I gave you, or try something different. What's important is that you stop revving your engine trying to turn a dead-end street into a through-way – this doesn't get you anywhere except to the point where your car is dead, and you have to walk.
Oh, by the way, remember, that you need not stay with your car. You can get out and start walking. You can hop on a bus, or the sub-way. There are many modes of transportation that get you to where you are heading.
In your life it is the same. There are always options. If you don't see any, it is usually because you are not allowing yourself to see them. You are focusing on the end of the road in front of you, and don't want it to be true. But the Universe wants you to go somewhere else. Allow yourself to look around, to see all the options that exist, and embrace the change...

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You Say... (What inspired the following postings)

I often receive forwarded emails from my friends. Many times they are of religious content. Just today I received one that has a chart in it, entitle God Has A Positive Answer.
I find, that the chart is well intentioned, however, it does not make me feel any better. The content is typical for our religious approach to spirituality – it is, for my life, rather removed from reality. However, if I look at the content of the messages in a different perspective, it suddenly is very applicable to my life.
I thought, I take this opportunity as inspiration to try to ponder the different topics in the chart, looking at them in a different light; rather non-traditional and unconventional but closer to my real life.
I hope these ideas will trigger some thoughts in you and help you find the answers that are true and real in your life.
The chart consists of three columns: You say, God says, Verse. I don't list the chart here, as I find it does not provide much relief. Instead, I just take the “You say...” column and write what I would tell you, if you had said this to me...

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